I'll comment what it needs !!!
Use chords for string. It will add an atmosphere of mystery. If you don't know what I mean by this, listen to my " in the eye of the storm ". Its a similar track.
The good
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I like the melody, this could be used in a flash. In a sad scene or something. As I said before, use chords.
I like how you layer the strings over each other.
Other
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Percussion is good, well timed. Ofc you're gonna improve the soundquality of it. As you say in the author comments
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Overall not a bad piece. And easy one to review, scince its so short.
Work on it and it will turn out to be great.
7/10 5/5 (unchanged)
Greetz Duba